Tottenham 5-1 Newcastle: Player ratings for New Castles

Great game! Tottenham Hotspur hosted Newcastle United, also known as Nuevo Ricci, also known as Jordi Arabia, on Sunday in the Premier League and took off the pants, winning 5-1. They scored a lot of goals. It was so much fun.

Creating new and unique themes for these articles becomes more difficult the longer you use them, but sometimes I ask for help from the team and they immediately give me one that looks pretty straightforward. This is one of them. We played with Newcastle? Let’s set up players in new castles. It’s my topic!

Here are the Tottenham Hotspur players’ ratings for the new Castles (The Nest) theme.

5 Stars: Magic Kingdom


Look, say what you will about the company as a giant of modern media, but the law of the Disney parks. There is just something about walking into the park and seeing that giant modern castle straight out of a storybook rising in front of you. very nice.

Christian Romero (Community – 4.5): Stammering in the back. I got so used to doing so well from him that he actually forgot to mention it in the match report. Very composed on the ball, but the defining moment was those brilliant tackles on Joe Willock that likely saved a goal.

Matt Doherty (Society – 4.0): I’ve given a lot of hold on to Doherty since he arrived, and to be fair, his performance has earned him that. But under Conte’s leadership, he thrived. It averaged .45xg + xa/90 this season—a small sample size, but elite numbers. So good at smashing the box, he got a goal because of his hustle and should have gotten help… I’m still not sure why he didn’t. His best match easily in the Tottenham shirt. Biggest bend since Zoolander.

Son Heung-min (Community – 4.5): he is back. The second match in a row with the production elite. Aim and Assist, also included in Target V as well. That ball to Davies’ header for Tottenham’s first goal was fantastic. Suffice it to overlook that it was a foul on the edge of the penalty area that led to Newcastle’s only goal.

Antonio Conte (Society – 5.0): I feel the managers’ ratings are mainly related to whether the team wins or not, but I can’t go wrong with the way Conte prepared or executed his plan here. Spurs feel like a team that is no longer transitioning to a new system – they are already there.

4.5 stars: Castlevania


There aren’t many video games from the ’80s that inspired entire media franchises. Castlevania is one of them. A scrolling platformer about vampire hunters, the original Konami game was ported to cartridge and became a mainstay in the original Nintendo NES libraries. Since then, I’ve produced a lot of sequels, most recently in 2014, as well as a popular Netflix show that I haven’t watched. Obviously one of the better new castles.

Diane Kulusevsky (Society – 4.5): Another game, another help. He linked very well with the other attackers and created four great chances. Can’t sing his praises high enough.

Ben Davies (Community – 4.0): Ben Davies goal! Wonderland will not stop! It was his first (approved) goal since 2017 and he had a great header in the corner. Put up a strong defensive display as well.

Harry Kane (Society – 4.5): He didn’t score or get many chances to do so but it was an integral part of everything Spurs did so well on Sunday. He’s an incredible passerby. I’m convinced he can play at high #10 until he’s 40 (or until his ankle ligaments rupture).

4 stars: Man in the Most High


Perhaps this is an expansion of the definition of “new” since it was originally a 1962 novel by Philip K. Dick, but the story – a dystopian alternate history of a future world where the Axis won World War II, is compelling. Made for some decent halfway TV too.

Rodri Emil Bentenberg (Society – girl. 4.5 / Hoge. 4.0): Newcastle made a decent turnaround in the first half hour of the game, but Bentancourt and Hogberg put in a solid performance in midfield, working well defensively and recirculating the ball in possession. Strong performance.

Stephen Bergwijn (Community – 4.0): I normally don’t rate Stevie for ten minutes, but he came and scored straight away in Jules Dang, so here you go, Steve, 4 stars.

Eric Dyer (Community – 4.0): I don’t have much to say about Eric. He shot twice on target, put in a suitably solid defensive performance, and didn’t let Newcastle breathe much. Good things.

3.5 stars: Castle (Nathan Fillion TV Show)


Yes, I watched this for a while. I bet you did too, admit it. Nathan Fillion was great and a decent stray car for him after Firefly.

Emerson Royal (Society – 4.0): Very happy for Emerson. That goal seems like a justification, because it was never as crap as many Spurs fans like to pretend it is. Feel free to rank him on a curve based on opponent, but he seems to be picking up on what he needs to do as a Conte fullback.

Lucas Moura (Community – 3.5): A short cameo, but he looked very lively when he scored three goals and was involved in the goal against Bergwijn. Lagging legs versus tired legs seems like his perfect turn now.

3 stars: Average American McMansion


If a man’s house is his mansion, I suppose this qualifies? There are a lot of freaky giant American homes in the cookie cutter business right now (the worst of it Certified in the excellent McMansion Hell blog) that there is a huge variance in this particular category, but there are also some very good ones out there as well. I suspect that most of them will not last as long as the ruins remain in Europe.

Hugo Lloris (Society – 3.0): There was a lot of talk about Hugo’s performance in relation to the Newcastle goal. I tend to agree with Tim Howard in the NBC comment that Hugo should have trusted his wall and hedge farther to the left to cover that space. Since he didn’t miss the shot much anyway, it was pretty much a matter of dispute as that was the only thing he had to do throughout the match.

Harry Winks (Community – 3.0): Was it okay? certainly. It was fine.

2.5 stars: Modurno, Housing Development in Turkey


In the tourist town of Mudurnu, Turkey erects the now crumbling ruins of an intentional community where all the houses are little castles complete with turrets and turrets. The images are stunning – halfway through the project, a pandemic happened and funding collapsed completely. Now this vast expanse of partially completed castles is likely to remain that way. Weird, weird, yet weird Disney. The full New York Times article is here.

Two stars: white


Look, forsake me of nonsense in this. The White Castle certainly fills the spot for cheap late-night eats, and yes I’ve made more than one pilgrimage to the drunk-eating capital. But let’s not pretend that White Castle is close to actually being good. not.

None of the Tottenham players played this badly.

1 star: Duncan


There are no notes.

None of the Tottenham Hotspur players have been as bad as Duncan Castles.

Leave a Comment

%d bloggers like this: